Democrats’ Stale Lunch

There’s a saying that any Grand Jury in the country worth its salt could indict a ham sandwich.  The theory is that grand juries are tools of the District Attorney, designed to do his/her bidding and rubber stamp whatever they want, just for formality’s sake.  Whether that is true or not, that’s the perception.  In the 2008 pretendidential election, Barack Obama benefited from a similar perception; that the Democratic party could have elected a ham sandwich.

And, they did.

Unquestionably, Obie is now the Democrats’ stale lunch, stinking up the whole place after smoldering in their lunchbox for a whole year, not counting the previous months they spent rejecting the obviously more nutritious meat and potatoes in front of them in favor of the McHam Sandwich they gleefully and greedily invented with intent to market.  Now that they’re being forced by Fate-as-a-cruel-parent to eat the spoiled porky lunch they had a fit to have, they’re smacking their own fool foreheads, crying and whining and moaning and dreaming about the V-8 they coulda had, and how they coulda been contend-uhs, like a bunch of washed-up, three-year old Marlon Brandos reduced to reprising his glory days in a cheesy vegetable juice commercial.  No better for ‘em; they did it to themselves.

Sadly, the bigger problem is they did it to the rest of us, too, with the majority of their party members playing rubber-stamp grand jury to their D.A.  Even sadder is that the way they did it was so fucking obvious and simple.

First, play up on the “any Democrat beats Bush” inevitability thing, then, establish Hillary Clinton as the inevitable Democrat, before exploiting the already publicly accepted right-wing meme of Hillary as Dragon Lady.  Rile up the country’s latent misogyny and present your guy as not only “not her,” but, a guy to boot.   Throw in a little, “I’m black, so voting for me will make you feel good,” and Bob’s your uncle.  Voila!  You’ve just nominated a ham sandwich, and set him up to win big.

It was really that simple.

But, it was equally inevitable that after trying to ram their processed lunchmeat on a bun creation down the public’s throat, they’d start to gag on it, especially once they realized that since it wasn’t exactly what they thought it promised to be from looking at glossy pictures of it, it didn’t taste very good.   That’s the way it always is with fast food.  Even when it does taste as good as the picture looks, that’s not really saying much, so, it’s not very satisfying, and you always feel guilty for having eaten it all in the first place.

So, now that McObie’s got a year’s worth of flies and shit buzzing around his head, people are starting to upchuck the portion they’ve already consumed and refusing to buy any more sandwiches like him.  From that place.  Unfortunately, the only choice they’ve got left is another cheesy ham sandwich just like him from the only other joint in town.

*UPDATE: I’ve found the recipe for the perfect McHama, a  ham ‘n’ cheese on a Obama waffle sandwich.