“Duh”mb And “Duh”mber

Sometimes it’s hard to imagine that so many people entrusted to run our country are as dumb as they are.  Sometimes it’s harder to imagine that the people entrusted to bring us information about the dumb shit the dummies in charge do in our collective name are even dumber than the dummies they’re reporting on.  But, if reading the news reports of the past week can be trusted at all to contain any smidgen of a hint of a scintilla of anything resembling truth, we are being governed by a plethora of Keystone Kop wannabes, and we know that because Spanky and Our Gang, Jr. told us so.

Let’s face it, ya gotta be at least a little stupid to get punked by White House Press Secretary and Tom Arnold/Wally Cox love child look-a-like, Robert Gibbsmeabreak.  But, according to Fox News, that’s exactly what happened to the White House press corps Friday.  Told ya they were all stupid.  The whole lot of ‘em.  In fact, not even I could believe they were that dumb, and kinda figured maybe the humorless drones over a Fox were having their idea of fun and yanking everybody’s chain with a belated April Fool’s Day-type prank, but, no, other sources like the Christian Science Monitor, and the Talking Points Memo press conference transcript, also confirmed that the sorry attempt at humor did indeed happen:

Gibbs began his daily briefing Friday announcing that President Obama will announce his pick to replace retiring Supreme Court justice David Souter at 6:30 a.m. Saturday.

Suddenly, the room fell silent.

“Gotcha!” Gibbs howled with a smile. “Somebody…quickly text me the name of a chiropractor, because at least four dozen necks snapped in one direction,” he quipped with glee.

Oh, the knee slapping hilarity.  I can only imagine the dozens of blank stares that greeted this bit of verbal slapstick.  I mean, how do you respond to a man with the comedic timing and talent of the 3 Stooges’ younger brother on Quaaludes doing pre-school level jokes minus the pee pee ca-ca?  This could only be considered funny by news writers up against a deadline, who upon coming down from their own caffeine high realized that after sitting through yet another interminable session with Baracko Bama’s Beanie Baby, they had nuttin’.

You can be excused if you feel charitable towards the poor news pool though.  Poor, poor, babies.  Day in, day out, they have to come up with something interesting, and be somewhat equally charitable themselves, about the mental midgets they have to report on, while trying to pretend they’re worthy of the effort.  It must be hard not to let the total disdain they have to feel for these jalocko jumbegidees (I made that up, I couldn’t think of a real word or phrase that captured the essence of my complete and utter disregard for the subjects under discussion) who seem to delight stepping in it and then holding up their shoes for all to see and smell.

Did the Congressional Children of the Corn and Pork really believe they were going to get Speaker of the House, Nasty Pancakes, out of office because she told the truth that the CIA lies?  Like her or not, saying that the CIA will do whatever it has to do to get its way is like saying ice is cold.  We can all imagine how those “private briefings” went.

CIA: Okay, that wraps up our briefing.  Oh, by the way, weregonnabewaterboarding,bye!

Briefee: Okay, thanks!  And, we didn’t just hear whatever it was you didn’t just say!

Dogs chasing their tails or running in their sleep make more sense than the Republicans’ current “Get Nancy” campaign.  I saw over on The Widdershins that they’re even trying to equate her with Pussy Galore.  Pussy Galore?  Nancy Pelosi?  Oh, yuck me with a speculum!  My mind refuses to go there.  On any level.  For any reason.  Just the thought is like…chocolate covered boogers, or something.  I am so shuddering in disgust, right now.  Ugh!

But, anyway, first Newt Gingrich (Newt freaking Gingrich?) and John Boehner bitch for a roll call on a vote to investigate her for being mean to the CIA, and then, when the overwhelming Democratic majority tells them to take their resolution, roll it in a ball, and stick it up where their heads are, they turn around and say, “Gee, maybe we overplayed our hand.”  Uh, duh?  What freaking hand?  The one you’re all playing pocket pool with?  Does it really take a brain one level higher than your second grade ones to figure out that even if Nasty had promised every Democrat in Congress a BJ, and reneged, or bit ‘em on the oohoo, they would still take her side?

Didja know that the Goopers have discovered HuffPo?  Yup, the Right Said Fredsters seem to have decided that Arianna’s audience is too sexy to ignore.  Somehow, it makes sense to them to take their case to her 8.8 million unique readers, WHO HATE THEM.  No wonder RINOs like Black Obama’s Soul Brother Number 2, Colin Powell are making like Democrats while Die Harder-core Rushcats are making raspberries at them as they nail “Kepe Owt” signs to the treehouse clubhouse door.  Nobuddy ober dere knows nuttin’.

I’m not kidding.  You just can’t make this shit up.  Nowadays, after Bobby Rush taught Oyeahibeblack Obama how to use his creamy caramel color to his advantage in reverse, (in reverse because Obie learned by getting his ass kicked, and because Rush comes by his black shoulder chip naturally, while Obrotherplease dons his like a flag pin; only when convenient and/or necessary) the ObaMassah’s successful exploitation of such a transparently confusing maneuver has got everybody’s racial identity manipulation going all blooey.  Michael Steele forgot that because he’s black, too, he can’t pull a Ferraro and say that Bruhbama wasn’t vetted cuz he be black.  See, since his black card is constantly being checked given his apparently voluntary capitulation to the dark side of Da White Man, (ask Howard Dean) he can’t even legitimately question the Undercover Brother’s credentials.  That’s according to one of the official Obaprotectors of the blogosphere, Think Progress, the Center for American Progess‘ blog arm currently engaged in a friendly rivalry with the other Soros-backed “we exist to prove the ObaMaster is always correct” site, Media Matters.  Oh, the fun the sisterblogs seem to be having over this.   Yep.  Yawn.

Moving right along the Dipshit Highway, in a bit of non-, or, not quite- dipshit news, Jay Cost of Real Clear Politics states the depressingly obvious, the Teflon TelePrompTer Reader needs a new speechwriter.  Duh-uh-uh-uh-uhhhhh.  The man’s been reading the same freaking speech since the 2004 Democratic National Convention.  Really.  He’s got maybe, 4 or 5 mix ‘ match speeches, tops.  All they ever do is change the names and dates, add a line here, move a line there.  And Twisty Head’s so frakkin’ dense, he can’t even read what’s always on the flipping glass screen, let alone ad lib a line from one speech to the other on the spot.  If the ‘PrompTer malfunctions, like it apparently did during his half of the Dueling Gitmo Irrelevancy speech competition with Cousin Dick Cheney, where the crawl slowed him mute on more than one occasion, he’s so lost, the Obafluffers in the media have to use every ounce of imagination and dubious talent they have to try to make it seem like he’s not just a totally inept, muttering, mumbling, stumblebum, as their corporate employers demand of them in return for continued employment.  Against significant odds, for the most part, they manage to pull it off with a straight face.

It’s not like he’s the brightest bulb in the chandelier, either.  The Celebritician should thank his lucky stars for white guilt and horny chicks with Mandingo complexes and low self esteem, otherwise, somebody might catch on that under the moobs – nada.  He told graduating midshipmen that he would only send them into “harm’s way” if it became “absolutely necessary.”  Let’s just sit here and let that one stew in its own juices for a moment. …humm, de dum, de dum, hummmm hmmmmm… Okay, time back in.  Good to know he won’t be chasing pirates, or ordering naval battles, willy-nilly, like all those other presidents that aren’t lucky enough to be black and smart.  For some reason, I’m reminded of Fredo Corleone.

Then, there are those rocket scientists currently in jail for being jihadist terrorists, who wouldn’t have been able to tie their shoes by themselves if the authorities hadn’t thoughtfully provided a script and helpful props at every step along the way.  Hard to imagine prison converted, former petty criminals, now Muslims working in 7-11’s they used to rob being able to get their hands on Stinger rockets otherwise.   Pretty good argument against sending Gitmo detainees to Corcoran, though.

Und, just for shitzengiggles, we move to Salon’s political roundup, where we find this new psychological study that asserts that Daddy’s Little Girlz have the magically delicious inborn ability to civilize the testosterone-fueled Neanderthalism of their fathers, and wrap the brutes around the fingers of all womankind, at least when it comes to their voting habits.  Now, because I strongly suspect that many of you probably think I unnecessarily tend to hyper my bole, here’s the quote, and if that’s not enough, here’s the researchers’ .pdf file.  Humph:

In remarkable research, the sociologist Rebecca Warner and the economist Ebonya Washington have shown that the gender of a person’s children seems to influence the attitudes and actions of the parent.

Warner (1991) and Warner and Steel (1999) study American and Canadian mothers and fathers. The authors’ key finding is that support for policies designed to address gender equity is greater among parents with daughters. This result emerges particularly strongly for fathers. Because parents invest a significant amount of themselves in their children, the authors argue, the anticipated and actual struggles that offspring face, and the public policies that tackle those, matter to those parents. . . The authors demonstrate that people who parent only daughters are more likely to hold feminist views (for example, to favor affirmative action).

And, lastly, (thank you, Lord) Time Magazine explores the “Meaning of Michelle,” so we don’t have to.  Besides Michelle meaning she’s married to Barry O, making her FLOTUS, the nearest I can figure is Michelle means it’s okay for black women with advanced degrees to channel Donna Reed in 2009.  And, for all other women to follow suit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcNQuHsrxXY&feature=player_embedded