Merry, Merry, Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy

Lest we forget the magic:

President-elect Questioned In Pay To Play Scam

That would be the headline for any other president-elect at any other time in our history, since it accurately reflects the facts of a pretty sensational story.  However, since we’re talking about an extraordinary Teflon TelePrompTer  Messiah, elected/anointed/selected to lead us to the Promised Land of Peace and Prosperity at this unique point in history, the bulk of the headlines referring to Barack Obama’s “internal investigation report” into his own and his staff’s involvement in the Rod Blagojevich “Got A Hot Senate Seat, Gotta Move It” scandal read more like, “Jesus’ Little Brother Absolves Himself And All Who Love Him.”  Hey, it’s Christmas.

On Dec. 11, Obama called for an internal investigation and said he and his staff were definitely, for sure not involved, no how, no way:

The president-elect said he was “as appalled and disappointed as anybody” by the allegations. He said that neither he nor his transition team have been a part of the continuing federal investigation, using language that was very specific but left several questions unanswered.

“I have not been contacted by any federal officials and we have not been interviewed by them,” Obama said.

On Dec. 15, we were told, hey, we’ve got a report, but the US Attorney wants us to hold off on releasing it, and since we’re such transparent good guys, of course we’re gonna comply:”

President-elect Barack Obama said Monday that his transition office was delaying release of a report on contacts with the Blagojevich administration until next week because the U.S. attorney’s office in Illinois asked for more time to conduct interviews about the controversial Senate vacancy.

I guess they just forgot to mention that the interviews the US Attorney wanted to conduct were with the president-elect and two key members of his inner circle.  Their bad.  On Dec. 18, 19, and 20th, Obama, Rahm Emanuel and Valerie Jarrett were questioned by authorities with their lawyers present:

Those with knowledge of the federal investigation have said that Emanuel is not a target in the case. There also is no indication that Jarrett ever was a target, a transition official said. Like Obama, both were accompanied by lawyers for their interviews with the prosecutor’s staff, Gibbs said.

We also now know that Jarrett talked to SEIU official Tom Balanoff about appointing Blagojevich Secretary of Health and Human Services, but that it had nothing to do with Jarrett or Obama’s Senate seat:

Obama’s report details a conversation about the appointment between Jarrett and Tom Balanoff, head of the Illinois chapter of the Service Employees International Union, in which Balanoff told her that Blagojevich had “raised with him” the idea of being appointed Health and Human Services secretary.

Balanoff informed Jarrett he had told Blagojevich it wouldn’t happen, and Jarrett agreed, discounting the notion as “ridiculous,” the report states.

However, there was never any suggestion in the conversation that Blagojevich was linking the Senate appointment to the possible Cabinet posting, the report states.

Ha, ha, ho, ho, and a good time was had by all.  Another curious thing, at least to me, is that the interviews were held on consecutive days, with Emanuel’s being last.   Emanuel, who had long been suspected of having had multiple contacts with the Illinois governor re: the Senate seat, seems to have needed to have his memory jogged by authorities:

During Emanuel’s interview Saturday, federal authorities played for him a taped recording of at least one conversation he had with Blagojevich’s office, according to a transition official who spoke on condition of anonymity because the person was not authorized to discuss information not included in the report.

As soon as Rahm’s interview was concluded, he went to Africa.  No word on where David Axelrod went, but a trip to a creative writing class might be in order.  Davey’s storytelling skills need a bit of brushing up:

Obama’s report also addresses confusion over earlier statements by David Axelrod, a top adviser who had said at one point that Obama discussed the Senate appointment with Blagojevich. Axelrod had discussed potential recommendations for the Senate appointment with Obama and Emanuel, and “was under the impression” that it would be Obama who would offer those to Blagojevich.

“He later learned that it was Mr. Emanuel who conveyed those names,” the report states.

Davey’s not the only one deficient in “once upon a time” skills; Greg Craig, the “investigator” who put the report together probably bores little kids to sleep, too:

Obama’s report states that none of Blagojevich’s aides reached out to the president-elect’s staff. The report only notes that Obama friend Eric Whitaker was approached by one of Blagojevich’s top aides to learn “who, if anyone, had the authority to speak for the president-elect” about the Senate appointment.

Obama told Whitaker that “no one was authorized to speak for him” and that “he had no interest in dictating the result of the selection process,” according to the report.

So, they didn’t reach out to staff, people just happened to bump into each other in the hall, or pick up silent phones only to find representatives from Blago’s office on the other end, or powerful psychic connections were made between highly receptive simpatico telepaths on both sides, or, just maybe, all the “reaching out” came from the Obamessiah side.  Politico has an accounting of some other inconsistencies and curiosities associated with Oblagoma-gate, but one thing we’re not ever likely to figure out is why the New York Times mentioned Jarrett staffer Michael Strautmanis as a name likey to be dropped into this mess when it wasn’t.  But, it’s a comfort to know that the president-elect absolved himself before and after he was hauled in front of the authorities.  In fact, it’s nice to be reminded of that other heartwarming tale of righeous indignation spurring justice seeking, “The Ballad of Candidate Number 5,” who was also not only questioned by Fitz’s boys, but alerted to the governor’s impending arrest; only in his case, it was on other occasions that he exercised his civic duty to report unethical behavior.  Makes my heart cockles all warm and fuzzy.

And, who wouldn’t want their cockles toasty on Christmas Eve?