Every Obama Speech

Boils down to this.

From TelePrompTer:

“They’re going to try to tell you John McCain is good, but you’re smarter than that.  After eight years of George Bush, you know we can’t afford another white guy.  George Bush is bad.  John McCain knows George Bush personally.  That makes John McCain bad.

But you know that.  Even though your lives suck because you’ve got no money, because there are no jobs available, and when you do work, your taxes are too high, and if you get sick, you’re probably gonna die because George Bush won’t give you health insurance, and John McCain knows George Bush.  You deserve health insurance.  But Washington doesn’t work that way.  George Bush doesn’t work that way.  And John McCain knows George Bush 90% of the time.

That’s why it’s time to change.  We don’t need 8 to 10 more years of the same old policies we’ve had under George Bush.  We need to change.  John McCain is not going to change Washington, he’s been there 26 years.  We need a new direction, we need hope.  Now is the time for a different way of doing things.  Can we really afford more of the same?  Now is the time for change.  Now is the time for hope.

But we can’t just hope to end the war.  We’re fighting 2 wars, and John McCain says that’s okay.  He wants to fight George Bush’s war for the next 100 years.  But you know better.  You can’t keep fighting the wrong war, the dumb war.  I’ve been against this war from the beginning, and when I’m president I will end this war.  But not the other one. After eight years of George Bush’s failed policies, we know John McCain won’t.  He wants to raise your taxes.  He doesn’t get it.  He can’t use a computer.  He’s really old.  That’s why the special interests that run Washington want John McCain, but we can’t afford 4 more years of the same old thing.

Now is the time for you to tell Washington that you want change.  Send a message to the special interests that they can no longer expect business as usual.  Tell them it’s time for a black man.  With your help, I will fix Washington, I will say “no” to the special interests, I will end this war, I will always work for you, the middle class, the little guy.  I’m not like the other presidents.  I’ve got a funny name.  But I love my country too much to let you hold that against me.  I believe the time is now.  I believe we need to change.  I believe we can do better than four more years of the same old George Bush policies John McCain wants.  But it starts with you.  If you have hope, we can change.  Do you want change?  Do you like hope?  Then vote for me, because I’m not the other guy.”

I was going to try to write up that speech interpretation as it might be delivered sans TelePrompTer, but after only a few moments of typing, I could no longer bear the excruciating pain of trying to actually read what I was writing, nor could I see clearly through the tears.  Plus, my head was really starting to…uh…umm…well…hurt.  So maybe that’s not an exact transcription, but it’s what his speeches, ads and news stories sound like to me.  Or, should I say, sounded like.  The only time I hear him speak nowadays is when unwittingly duped into visiting undercover Obots masquerading as “friends” and forced to listen to Obi-Wan-NaBePresident against my will.  On those increasingly rare occasions, I’ve learned to put something crunchy in my mouth and chew loudly, even if it annoys my hosts and their guests, since I have also learned that such behavior is preferable to them than having me put my fingers in my ears and make loud “la-la” noises.  I’ll admit, I’ve learned not to even try to listen closely for fear that doing so will make my eyes glaze over as I grind my teeth to a powder while my ears begin to bleed copiously, and I really don’t like it when that happens.

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