Giving Thanks

Well…I know it’s been a while, but, frankly, the events of the last few days (weeks? months? coupla years?) have really gotten to me.  So, rather than jump aboard any and everybody else’s Knee-Jerk Express, I decided to make like a Thanksgiving turkey and stew in my own juices for a bit.  I’m still ruminating on a few things, but, hey, it’s this blog’s second Thanksgiving, and I’m in a reflective enough mood to share.  Pre-festivity libations will do that to ya.  However, Thanksgiving is a day of…uh…(burp!)…(hic!) ’scuse me!…giving thanks.  Anyway,  being the first holiday after the debacle of the Culmination of the Kool Aid Predestination Indoctrination of ‘08, Thanksgiving will always have special meaning for me.  So, with all that in mind, here’s my list of thanks I can’t wait to give away.  Mind you, this is not my pre-Christmas wish list; that’s a whole ‘nother kettle of snark.

Number one:  I would like to thank Barack Obama for being the uber qualified Spokesmodel-in-Chief, (and nothing more) that I always thought he was.  I’d like to thank him for that, but I can’t.  That sucketh too much for thanks.  Even though he has proven himself to be far more qualified as a TelePrompTer reading vacationing front man and party host than his predecessor, that bar was set low enough for Munchkin babies to limbo under, so that ain’t saying much.  Since I hate to be wrong, I am proud of the fact that I had him pegged all along, and said so every chance I got, so it’s not my fault the country screwed itself in the ass by (s)electing him.  Unfortunately, it’s not the first time the country has exercised its right to vote as an act of contortionary masturbation, and probably won’t be the last.

Hits And Misses

*NOTE: Some of the videos, images and websites found on this page are not the least bit safe for work, nor are they much safer for home.  Especially if you have kids, or a short temper and glassware you want to keep.  Discretion highly advised.  You’ve been warned.

Funny, the things you can find while you’re tooling through cyberspace, surfin’ the ‘net like Moondoggie in yellow swim trunks with hair that never moves, (like a Ken doll) a-wavin’ at cute, bubbly Sandra Dee years before she was immortalized in “Grease“…but, I digress.  And, when I say funny, I don’t mean “funny”… ha-ha, I mean, “funny”…hmm.  In fact, now that I think about it, what I found that inspired this post doesn’t qualify as “funny” at all, and, it has nothing whatsoever to do with Moondoggie.

See, I’m reading Buzz Tracker, politics section, and I spot a Riehl World View headline that catches my eye, so, I opened it, natch.  Whaddid I do that for, huh?  But, if you saw a headline on a conservative white guy’s blog that said “Wow!  I’m A Gangsta!  I Rock!” what would you do?

I mean, I’ve come across this guy’s deliberately provocative headlines before, usually beckoning unsuspecting readers to admirably short opinion pieces full of heavy-handed snark, so I wasn’t really looking for…much of anything, really, but, come on, when a guy who looks like him trumpets he’s a rock star gangsta, ya gotta at least peek at the article after the click, right?

Girl Talk ‘n Coffee

In Hollywood, it’s “let’s do lunch!”  In girl talk, it’s, “let’s get together for coffee!”  Either way, it means, “yeah, sure, when hell freezes over.”

If such meetings are ever forced to come to pass, they are usually filled with air kisses, strained smiles, polite, inconsequential small talk, and furtive glances at timepieces.  They are generally ended by pre-arranged cell phone calls received by one, or both of the attending parties, declaring some state of emergency foretelling impending global doom that only the callee can potentially rectify.  At least, that’s what their lunch partner is supposed to deduce from the overheard end of the conversation.  What is probably being said by the the caller is likely more along the lines of, “is the bitch still there?”

In two separate Sunday morning news show interviews, ABC’s “This Week,” with George Snuffleupagus, and NBC’s “Meet The Press,” with David Gregory, which, in the interest of full disclosure, I didn’t watch, since Sunday morning news shows tend to give me wicked gas and make my eyes bleed, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton obviously handled herself admirably enough, without providing sufficient controversial fodder to feed the ravenous appetites of subsequent Sunday news network rehashes of their morning shows, that the hosts felt compelled by their producers to goad and provoke her by dangling “Sarah said” red meat in front of her face.  In the political equivalent of “when she said you looked well rested now that your face has filled out, wasn’t she calling you fat?” Clinton was asked about statements made by Sarah Palin on the campaign trail, and in her book, “Going Rogue,” (subtitled “By Quitting My Job and Writing This Book.”)  In a fashion typical of one skilled in the social graces, Clinton replied with what amounts to, “Well, now that I’m not constantly on the go, I have put on a few welcome pounds.  I was too skinny before.  I’m glad people are noticing.”  At least, that’s the way The Christian Science Monitor sees it: